I have been thinking about everything I wanted to share with my Tantric bodywork clients, and why I have decided to follow my heart and transform my career, and thus - permanently retire from providing Tantric bodywork sessions.

This has not been an easy decision - in fact, it would probably be the most difficult decision I’ve ever made in my life. I have spent the last several years mulling over this decision, and really trying to dowse into the right path for the future of my life.

Like with any job or career path, there are pros & cons for every job or career path out there. But at the end of the day, I think every one of us has to confront the disillusionment of feeling burnt out.

There have been significant periods in the past in which I felt absolutely ON FIRE to provide tantric bodywork. There were phases in the past in which my body & my spirit and energy was absolutely aligned to do this work. I believe that I was spiritually called to do this work, and it has been an essential facet of my soul journey in this lifetime. I’ve been blessed to have so many incredible experiences in the past, and innumerable electrifying interactions that were beautiful to witness. I love witnessing people have ecstatic experiences.

A huge part of the joy of having this job has been getting to watch people walk in the door feeling resistant or guarded or stressed out or disconnected or overcome with guilt & shame, and then to witness the transformation as their eyes glowed as they walked out of my treatment room - as if they had suddenly come back to life, and were completely rejuvenated, and their spirit was alive again. Seeing people’s eyes glow and glide out as if they were walking on a cloud has always brought my heart happiness and made me feel like I’m contributing something meaningful to people’s lives. And honestly, that’s all I’ve ever really wanted.

But something shifted for me over the last two years or so, and I began to see the writing on the wall - that it was time for me to retire and build a new career for myself for the next chapter of my life. Part of it was being in my mid 40s, and realizing that I was going to be 50 in half a decade, and I wanted to envision a different life for myself when I hit 50. And part of it was going through an absolutely devastating breakup with my ex several years ago, and it made me realize that I wanted to shift out of doing this work so that I could be more fully energetically available for a long term relationship. I didn’t want my job to be an obstacle to me having a secure relationship.

But there was something even deeper than that going on within myself that I can’t fully put into words, and it happened even whilst I was having magical interactions with my amazing clients; I felt like I was no longer congruent internally. And I knew in my heart that I had changed. The dissonance within myself was slowly becoming more and more apparent.

I accidentally stumbled into the world of erotic bodywork when I was young, financially desperate and in my early 20s - and I was a very different person then. I have changed and evolved so much over the last 20 years, that who I had become now was no longer compatible with this work that I had gotten into when I was young, immature and unstable. My value systems have changed, and my lifestyle has changed, my relationship to work and consistency and discipline has changed. My relationship to money has changed. I’m a different person now.

I could see that I had become trapped in this role that had been created when I was young, immature, reckless, far more narcissistic and unstable, and that I was no longer congruent with this role. It was beginning to feel like I was shedding a snakeskin. It was feeling like the role I had taken on was no longer in alignment with my inner self, and there were many tears and moments in which I felt tormented by feeling stuck and trapped. I wanted to get out. I wanted to make myself un-stuck.

So I have spent the last almost 2 years strategically preparing myself for my exit strategy. I saved up money. I paid off my car. I paid down my credit cards. Put myself into the system. Jumped through the project of getting licensed, so that I would have credentials and be able to have a different career. Everything has been in service of preparing me for this moment, in which I could walk out of this career path from a foundation of security.

One of the things I have experienced over the last few months as I build my foundation of a new career path going forward, and shedding the snakeskin of tantric bodywork and allowing it to fall away, is getting to experience an incredible surge of peace internally and feeling free. It feels so good to know that I did it. I am truly proud of myself. There have been moments in which I was afraid that I would never be able to make it happen. I was scared that I would be stuck in this job until I was an old lady, and I didn’t want that for my life.

And it has been a terrifying decision to make, especially at this time in our civilization with all of the political and economic instability unfurling. My income has fallen off of a cliff, and I am trusting that it’s all going to work out. And yes - I am scared. I don’t have anyone to catch me. I don’t come from wealthy parents. I don’t have a partner or a boyfriend or a husband. I’ve had to provide for myself since I was 20. I’ve had to be completely self-reliant and trust in my abilities and the skillsets that I’ve cultivated to know that I can be safe and secure. I don’t have parents or a partner who is going to be there for me, to catch me if and when I fall. It’s scary. I have had to confront an absolutely INCREDIBLE amount of fear about my own security, in order to make this life transformation happen.

But I wanted to do this because I wanted to be able to work with people who are overcoming their own obstacles and healing from their own trauma stories and overcoming fear and self-limiting belief systems. How could I support people out there in the world to change and transform and to truly heal, if I was not willing or able to overcome the thing that was keeping me stuck in fear of change.

The truth is, I have always wanted to be a healer - that has always been my North Star and my calling. My journey through Tantric Bodywork has been an essential part of my journey of learning how to be a healer, but it is not my final destination. I am excited for the next developmental phase of my life, and to learn more and grow and blossom into the next phase of my self-development. I don’t want to stop growing.

And at the same time, I will always be devoted to wanting to live in a world that is Sex Positive. I am absolutely here for a Sex Positive world. But I don’t think we can live in a sex positive world if we continue to view sex workers with contempt and scorn. I want our civilization to end the collective punishment on sex workers. I will ALWAYS be an ally for sex workers in this world, even after I retire & hang up my hat and my career pivots to the new phase of my work.

I will always speak on behalf of accessible, legalized, healthy, HEALING erotic services that bring life into the world - we need it. I have seen too much benefit in people’s lives to think otherwise. I absolutely believe that our civilization would benefit from safe, accessible, healthy, legalized erotic services - so many clients get so much benefit from it and it improves the lives of so many. Our world would absolutely benefit from a complete fundamental shift on the topic of sex work.

The collective shame wound around sex and sexuality is the thing that has got to be changed, fundamentally. Shame is the most detrimental thing to everyone’s relationship to sex. And I think shame is one of the pillars of the hierarchical system of the patriarchy.

I know that we live in a world where sex workers are demonized, and where sex work is viewed with derision and scorn. I know that all too well. But I want to see our world evolve out of that mentality, the same way I want to see humanity no longer live in a world governed by corrupt psychopaths. Maybe they are interconnected.

Thank you again for all of the amazing experiences, all of the magical, electrifying interactions, and all of the insightful memories that I will carry with me.

Reach out to me if you have questions - if you want to know more about my explicitly non-sexual healing work. Or if you need a referral for someone who is an erotic provider. I’ll always be here.

This message goes out to all of the women out there, who are in long term relationships and/or are married to men…

There are so many things that I wish I could convey to you, or express to you, after having conversations with literally thousands of men. I have witnessed so many consistent patterns in my work, of providing tantric bodywork to men - that I truly wish I could sit down and have conversations with all of the women out there, on the other side of all of these relationships.

One of the biggest reoccurring themes that I have seen from countless conversations with my clients is…. Menopause has been devastating for people’s long term relationships and marriages.

These days, it seems like 25% of my clients are coming in and talking about how menopause has completely ended their sex life with their wife.

What I’ve heard reported to me from my clients is that menopause hits, and their wife basically said “Sex is Over. I’m Done. No more sex. Go fuck yourself.”

Now, I’m genuinely curious if this is a phase, and if men who have been married for 20+ years wait it out, if maybe after the dust has settled and their wives bodies have rebalanced to a new hormonal homeostasis after the initial menopause adjustment, if maybe eventually their wives will come around and be open to sex again… I just don’t know.

But to all of the women out there who are saying to their husbands that their sex life is just over and get over it, and using menopause as an excuse - I have to tell you that you are damaging your relationship. Some of you are causing irreparable damage to your relationship. You’re throwing your relationship under the bus. You’re throwing your partner under the bus. And whether or not you realize it, you are sabotaging the security of your relationship. And if you value the security of your relationship, you will need to address this concern.

What I hear from men all the time in these situations, is that they are DYING INSIDE. If your husband who you have been married to for 15, 20, 25, 30+ years is dying inside and sexually repressed, and you are refusing to maintain the sex life of your marriage, then you are unwittingly threatening the relationship. You are throwing the relationship under the bus.

It breaks my heart how common this is.

It seems that a lot of women hit menopause and decide that their bodies have changed hormonally and therefore they don’t owe their husbands sex anymore, because of vaginal dryness, because it hurts, because of physical pain, or because women have become insecure about their bodies… And all of these symptoms are issues that can be worked on! These are solvable problems. Menopause doesn’t have to equate to the death of your body and the end of sexual pleasure.

Menopause should not be used as an excuse to reject & distance yourself from your partner. And contrary to popular opinion, a man’s sex drive does not just vanish if you decide to refuse to have sex.

Men’s sexual virility and desire for sex and sexual pleasure never goes away. Guaranteed, there is never gonna be a day when a man’s dick falls off and loses interest in experiencing sexual pleasure with his partner. Men don’t lose interest in sex in their 50s, in their 60s or in their 70s… Men don’t even stop wanting to have sex when they’re in their 80s.

So if you’re married to a man whose dick isn’t falling off, and their sex drive & desire for pleasure hasn’t vanished, and you are refusing to maintain a healthy sex life with your partner, you are threatening the relationship. And you need to really sit with that.

I want to see your relationship thrive post-menopause. I had a conversation with a lady several years ago who divorced her husband right around the time she hit menopause, and then went on a dating spree and actually began to fully explore her sexuality when she was in her mid 50s. By the time she hit 60, she was having the best sex of her entire life. Talking with her made me realize that it is absolutely possible that you can have the best sex of your life AFTER menopause. Because you aren’t afraid of getting pregnant anymore, and you know your body better than ever before.

I think for women, what really helps is taking care of your body by working out and using HRT, and doing self-care practices like self-massage, and using oil based lubricants like coconut oil, cacao butter, shea butter, beef tallow and organic body butter to increase lubrication and decrease vaginal dryness.

Please look into Booda Butter & Cacao Butter vaginal suppositories - these are natural products that actually work and make the vagina more supple:

Buy Booda Butter

Foria Cacao Butter Vaginal Suppositories

Over the counter lubricants damage a woman’s internal PH and make them dried out, which is why I absolutely do not recommend water based or petrochemical based lubricants. Yes - women need lubrication, but use oil based lubricants like coconut oil or body butter. The vagina is skin, and skin responds best to oil, not toxic chemicals.

I truly want to see people’s relationships stay connected, even after going through profound hormonal transformations. I believe that it’s possible that healing and flourishing for people’s relationships can happen, post-menopause. People’s desire for sexual pleasure never ends, not even when they’re in their 70s or 80s. And I believe that it’s possible to still experience amazing orgasmic sex when we are elderly.

I would LOVE to hear people’s stories and feedback if your relationship has bounced back, even after going through a rough patch after going through menopause.

So my invitation to you is to stop using menopause as an excuse to reject your partner, and I would ask you to consider what else is going on inside me emotionally that is making me shut down or distance myself from my partner. Is our relationship worth it, to invest the effort to overcome resentment and hurt feelings? Why am I unconsciously sabotaging our relationship, and using my body as an excuse.

At the end of the day, I believe in healing. And I want healing for all of us - in all of our relationships. Yes, we may carry resentment and hurt feelings with us. And yes, our bodies become more fragile and vulnerable as we age, but that doesn’t mean that our desire for love, connection, physical closeness and experiencing pleasure should just vanish.

I want you to stay together! I want you to work it out and overcome these obstacles, because YOU CAN!! I believe in healing and I believe in love.

As many of my clients know, I have long preferred to begin sessions with Cuddling first, before beginning the bodywork treatment. This has been a highly intentional component of my practice for a number of years now, and I have a lot of reasons why I believe that Cuddling has been an extremely essential aspect of my practice and also why it should be considered necessary for folks in committed relationships.

One of the main thoughts that I have been contemplating over the last few years, in response to conversations with folks who have been frustrated at the lack of physical intimacy in their relationships is this idea that Sex is an altered state of consciousness.

And to be even MORE specific, Orgasm is an altered state of consciousness. Orgasm is the most natural, endogenous form of an altered state of consciousness that we humans with a human body have access to. We don’t need any drugs or substances to access this altered state; our bodies naturally produce the hormones and neurotransmitters necessary to access this altered state of consciousness.

The problem is when we don’t understand how to access this naturally occurring endogenous altered state of consciousness, or we have walls and blocks and filters up that create obstacles to our receptivity to this naturally occurring altered state. And that becomes even more of a problem when we don’t know how to consciously shift our awareness from one state of consciousness to another. Which is why we frequently rely on things like alcohol and drugs, in order to remove our filters and our self-inhibition mechanisms, in order to access these altered states.

But the idea I’ve had for a while is that, knowing how to shift your consciousness from Day to Day focus and being in Go mode and Work & Focused Attention mode to then making the shift into relaxed receptivity, pleasure and connection mode is actually not that hard - but IT IS A SKILL. It’s a skill that can and should be cultivated and practiced, because it’s one of the essential keys for deepening connection within bonded intimate relationships.

I think what happens is that a lot of people make the mistake of going straight from Day to Day GO MODE and Work & Focused Attention mode and then go straight into having a sexual experience while still in that mode… I think what happens is that because our GO MODE requires so much cortisol, adrenaline and stress to be flooded into our system in order to function in our day to day - we then can’t easily make the shift into pleasure and receptivity and deep connection when we try to have a sexual experience with our partner. Our body’s neurotransmitter systems are just too wired to make the switch, and one or both partners ends up uncomfortable or disconnected or hypervigilant or stuck in their heads. Which probably leads to one or both partners in some kind of people pleasing or fawning response, but ultimately not really connecting.

I think this can be remedied by cultivating the oxytocin bonding connection in a relationship.

I truly believe that stress is the primary culprit of distancing physical intimacy in a relationship - and relaxation and non-sexual physical affection is the way to restore physical intimacy in a relationship.

Which is why I believe so strongly in the importance of cuddling. In fact, I tend to believe that having a cuddling connection in a relationship is more important than how often you are having sex or how amazing the sex is. Because cuddling is where two people experience co-regulation through oxytocin bonding. Cuddling doesn’t have to be sexual - it doesn’t have to escalate to anything sexual. Or it could! Cuddling could be the doorway to going deeper into lovemaking. But whether or not cuddling is non-sexual or escalates to sex doesn’t matter, because cuddling is this language of physical affection that keeps two people sensually connected through feeling safe and relaxed being close with each other’s bodies.

Additionally, cuddling elicits the neurotransmitter oxytocin, which puts our body into the most natural altered state of consciousness - which is the sensation of melting into a puddle of bliss as two bodies merge into each other.

Which again is why maintaining a sensual, non-sexual physical touch connection with your partner through non-sexual physical affection - like cuddling - is so essential, despite being underrated. Because it is the bridge to maintaining a deeper level of connection with your partner, and opens your body to be primed and ready for the deeper endogenous altered state of consciousness - orgasm.

Oxytocin also is the antidote to cortisol and adrenaline, and down regulates you into the state where stress dissolves and your fight or flight, disconnected state begins to melt and you allow yourself to be ready to receive pleasure and connection with your partner.

In the fall of 2002, my best friend and I stumbled into the storefront of a spa. I had just been fired from my last restaurant job days before, after consistently showing up to work stoned and being a bit too spacey. I had completed my final semester of college earlier that year, and was convinced that I would never succeed at holding down a real job and that I was completely, totally screwed because I was a weirdo artist hippie freak. I spent days wallowing in despair, and strongly considered ending my life.

It was just days after that state of despair, with a shaved head, a pair of broken-in blue jeans with blown out holes in the knees, a black turtleneck from a thrift store and a pair of broken in Birkenstock sandals, that my friend and I entered into the spa. We had called the phone number in the classified ad the day before, and walked through the front door and were immediately immersed in a totally innocuous looking lobby with Enya soaring in the background and vanilla scented candles on display.

We were hired on the spot. Before we had even walked through the door and sat down on the couch, we were already hired. We chatted with the boss lady, and had a short conversation in which it was explained that we could make up to $2,000 in cash per week, and that we would be giving light touch massages wearing lingerie.

We were very confused, financially desperate, totally broke and completely naive; neither one of us had ever given a massage before and we didn’t know what we were getting ourselves into. We laughed together in the car, at the inconceivable notion of making $2,000 in a week! Before our first shift, I went to Victoria’s Secret to buy some lingerie, and showed up for my first shift with my shaved head and blown out blue jeans, not knowing that my life was about to be forever changed.

It was explained to us that clients would walk in and pay for their service at the door; we would be paid half of the door fee. And then the rest of our income would be paid in tips. We made most of our money from tips.

Clients would walk through the door, enter into the lobby with Sade crooning in the background and vanilla scented candles, and the women on that shift would line up and present themselves to be chosen. The clients, who were all men, were then escorted back to a massage room with pastel blue walls, black and white photography, a massage table with crisp, clean white sheets and a sink in the corner.

On my first day, I made hundreds of dollars - maybe 300 to 400 dollars on my first shift. My very first client ever was a Middle Eastern businessman that walked in wearing a suit, had a hard edged, stressed out personality, and he transformed into a big baby, naked and convulsing in my hands after demanding for a happy ending. By the end of the first day, we took turns sharing notes and realized that all of our clients had demanded happy endings, and then gave us generous tips. It didn’t take us long to come to the realization that we had landed in a brothel. I called it the Phallus Palace.

The experiences that I endured during my 8 months in the Phallus Palace were among the most difficult and most challenging experiences I ever had during all my years in the sex work industry. The men that came in there knew it was a brothel, and they truly had no respect for the women that worked there. The clients routinely pressured the women to see what more they could extract from the women who worked there. They would offer more tips to see if they could get the women to bend, and if they would be willing to give more than happy endings. Many clients I encountered during my time there were entitled, pushy, borderline abusive and frequently didn’t respect boundaries. Many clients pushed boundaries to see how much they could get, in exchange for giving as little as possible.

I had a memorable experience of going to work one morning, and interacting with a client who had just come off of an all-night-long bender on coke and alcohol, who was abusively belligerent and basically wouldn’t take No for an answer, and who was so checked out of reality and so psychotically self-centered that none of the women wanted to touch him - no amount of money thrown in our faces was enough to pay for that kind of abuse. But clients like that were rare exceptions.

I liken my initiation into the sex work industry with this analogy. It was like being pushed off a pirate ship gang plank into shark infested waters, having never learned how to swim before. So I had to learn how to swim at the exact same time that I had to learn how to become best friends with all of the sharks and make all of the sharks fall in love with me, and I had to learn how to give all of the sharks exquisite moments of ecstasy. It was quite the initiation.

The money we made changed my life and transformed my experience of money forever. I went from destitute to a baller, practically overnight. Once I made $950 in cash in one day, and the following day I was able to pay the final amount due at my college - $948.52 in exact change - and receive my college diploma. I paid off all of my credit card debt and cut it up, vowing never to have another credit card ever again. I bought myself my first laptop. And I transformed; from a bohemian poet stoner chick with a shaved head, into growing my hair out and buying myself nice things.

During my time at the Phallus Palace, I sat in the corner reading Gary Snyder, Kerouac and Martin Prechtel’s writings about their visionary spiritual pilgrimages and explorations in Zen Buddhism, while sipping on carrot juice - and I dreamed of making my escape into my own spiritual pilgrimage and being lead by synchronicities and intuition. So after 8 months working there, I saved up thousands of dollars, left the Phallus Palace and left the Midwest forever, and discovered myself in the forests, mountains and rivers of the Pacific Northwest that Gary Snyder wrote about - and my life began a new chapter.

I had a conversation last week with a client, let’s call him Mike.

Mike is in a sexless marriage, and his wife is squeamish about their children hearing them have sex.

Now if there’s any message I would want to convey with his wife, it’s that your children are going to come into contact with sex and their sexuality eventually - it is inevitable. It is only a matter of time.

One of the things that parents surely must consider is that how they are modeling their romantic & sexual relationship with their spouse is going to imprint onto their children.

We live in a Sex Negative & Touch Phobic culture. And I believe that we will continue to maintain a Sex Negative & Touch Phobic culture going on into perpetuity, by demonstrating to our children that sex is something to be ashamed of and that their parents never have orgasms together.

I know for myself, from my own childhood upbringing in a very conservative Christian family, that PDA between my parents was something that was very rigid, awkward and felt forced. The way that they displayed affection, kisses and touch towards each other seemed rigid & distant; and that created the sense that being affectionate with each other was scripted, awkward, dismissive and uncomfortable. And that demonstrates a vibe in which you can’t tell if two people really love each other and feel connected to each other.

And again - children are being imprinted with their attitudes & unconscious belief systems towards sexuality, flirting, public displays of affection and touch by their family & community, but most especially by their parents.

Personally - I want to envision a world where children know that their parents are having an amazing sex life with each other, and that they know that their parents ARE sexy and sexual.

Children should know that having an amazing sex life is what happens between two adults who love each other, that having a sex life is for adults, and that having a fulfilling sex life is something that is integral to a long term committed relationship.

Because children are going to be introduced to sex inevitably. Would you rather they be introduced to sexuality through hearing mommy moaning in ecstasy & having orgasms through the walls, or by watching porn on screens?

Personally I would have been thrilled to know that my Mom loved my dad and that they had an exciting sex life - but I will never know that and I strongly doubt they did.

It can take decades to unwind the imprinting that happens in your subconscious mind in terms of sexuality and intimacy, from being imprinted by adults that are uncomfortable, awkward, stressed out and disconnected with each other. That imprinting will leave more lasting damage, than hearing your parents make sexy noises through the walls.

So how many people out there want to have Holy, Motherf*cking ECSTATIC, straight up celestial, altered states of consciousness Sex with your partner?

Are you currently in a relationship where your sex life is blowing your mind to smithereens on a regular basis? Or not?

If you are having transcendental ecstatic sex with your partner on a fairly regular basis, please raise your hand. (I know I am)

I really want to help people have breakthroughs in their sex life, so that we can all access the transcendental, celestial current of ecstasy that our bodies are capable of.

These bodies that we inhabit are DESIGNED FOR ECSTASY.

These bodies that we inhabit are designed to transmit ecstatic states of consciousness through orgasm, and through other altered states of consciousness - like through dance and making music and singing.

If you are not currently tapped into the altered state of consciousness of ecstasy that you are capable of accessing through the orgasmic state - I am here to help you.

Because your body is designed to be a frequency carrier and transmitter of ecstasy.

Ecstasy is your birthright as a human being in a body. We don't actually need drugs or psychedelics to get into mind altered states of consciousness to do this! Because our bodies are capable of this current of energy, organically.

Here's the thing: Orgasm is a form of being in a TRANCE state. You have to be able to set aside your normal, day to day mundane consciousness and be able to enter into a hypnotic, aroused & seduced, hypnotized state of consciousness.

Being in a Trance state is a SKILL. And it is a learnable skill.

Which means that, to me, accessing the state of orgasmic energy in your body is a very important and very profound spiritual practice.

The orgasmic state is a direct route to accessing self-realization, if we don't look at having an orgasm as a mundane activity to get off, like peeing or pooping or sneezing... (Which is, unfortunately - in my humble opinion - what 90% of masculine bodied men are currently experiencing when they come and have an "orgasm".)

But as women, our bodies are designed for accessing celestial frequencies through our yonis. And if you are not having transcendental experiences through the magical cavern of your yoni, it's time to have a breakthrough. But only if you want it.

It has taken me a long time to be able to access those celestial frequencies through my yoni, and honestly - what helped me personally have all the breakthroughs was a lot of experimentation, curiosity, following the pleasure and - most importantly - self-pleasuring using the holy vibrators!

Let me just state again, your body is designed to be a transmitter of ecstasy - a Giver and Receiver of ecstasy.

Ecstasy is the fundamental language through which we communicate our soul on a primal, non-linguistic language.

When we look at Sex as a form of communication, when we look at Sex as a non-verbal, non-linguistic conversation that is being shared between two beings, two bodies through the LANGUAGE OF ECSTASY - then what we need to cultivate in order to "Improve Our Sex Lives" is the ability to be in an altered state of consciousness and to access ecstasy NATURALLY.

Because Ecstasy is our Natural, Spontaneous Birthright as human beings in a body.

Because Pleasure is a Profound Portal into the realm of our Spirit.

Are you with me?

This is truly heartbreaking and fills me with so much sadness, that there are so many women out there who view sex as a chore and an obligation to fulfill for their partner, rather than as a direct pathway to ecstasy and their own erotic nourishment. 

I deeply desire to help women unpack and overcome this obstacle to their own sexual and ecstatic fulfillment. This is a driving, motivating force in my work - to help women overcome these obstacles and to support the healing of the traumatic imprinting that has created a situation where so many women are disconnected from their own bodies and from their own ecstatic pleasure. 

Every woman deserves to know their body as a temple for the ecstatic currents of pleasure and life force that flow within, and circulate and nourish the body. Every woman deserves to have first hand knowledge and deeply intimate experiences of their own body as a direct doorway to celestial levels of ecstasy - because the yoni IS the celestial gate.

But in order to do this, we must move beyond the paradigm of sex as an obligation that we do for the other person, and instead move towards the paradigm of sex as a doorway into the innermost realms of self-knowledge, self-healing and self-actualization. 

Part of what happens is that couples view sex as something they have to do to “Please” their partner. This idea that we have to focus on doing what we think the other person wants, in order for them to have their sexual pleasure fulfillment is at the root of the problem - in my opinion. Because what happens is it creates a one-sided dynamic within any sexual or erotic experience. 

My client yesterday spoke of his experience with an ex-girlfriend, where the dynamic was all about her receiving and him giving, and his lack of satisfaction came up because he was never able to receive. He described a pattern where he would give her massage and then go down on her, and then she would dismiss him or turn him down when it came to penetration, because it was uncomfortable or painful for her - or whatever her rationalization was. 

What that does is it sets up a scenario where two people are not in a deep state of connection with each other. It creates a situation where two people are in an unequal power dynamic, and instead of being in the deepest state of connection possible with each other, they are in unequal power dynamic roles with an unequal power exchange, which ultimately becomes unfulfilling over time - because there is never that deep state of connection with your partner that is the truly desired outcome of sex. 

In my humble opinion, the goal of sex is not just about the goal of sexual pleasure or experiencing an orgasmic state - although that is a big part of it. I believe that the goal of the transcendent sexual experience is about experiencing the deepest state of connection possible with your partner; of riding the deepest current of love, tenderness and vulnerability possible - with your partner. What we truly want is to experience divine union with our partner; to experience ecstatic divinity together and to know and experiences ourselves and our partners as embodiments of divine love. I believe that is what we actually desire, when we are pursuing peak sexual experiences. 

The problems that people encounter during sexual experiences generally occur due to people feeling disconnected from each other. When one person feels used by the other person, like their body is the repository for the other person’s masturbation, it leads to feeling used. When there are unequal power exchanges, where one person is giving and where they feel like the other person isn’t connected with them, isn’t present with them, isn’t receiving - that is deeply unfulfilling. What that does is create a scenario where two people are trying to experience the deepest state of connection and vulnerability and closeness possible with another person, but one person is psychically and energetically pushing the other person away and giving them an energetic, psychic wall of revulsion and rejection. 

Simply by becoming disconnected from our bodies, we create the situation where we are meeting our partners with a wall of disgust and revulsion. 

It is simply impossible to experience peak states of ecstasy with our partners when we are disconnected from each other, or when we are overwhelmed by our insecurities, inadequacies, feelings of shame and self-disgust. It is especially impossible to experience peak states of ecstasy with our partner when we are silently pushing them away and meeting them with a wall of disgust, derision and revulsion. Our bodies are psychically interwoven with our minds and our hearts, and there is no separation between what is occurring in the subconscious mind, and what is happening in the body. They are completely connected. 

This is why we have so much work to do to create healing around our sexuality in our culture, because the traumatic imprinting of shame runs so deep in our culture. Healing and overcoming the imprint of shame and trauma is at the root of what we have to do to heal our civilization’s grip on sexuality. 

If we really want to have healthy, loving, ecstatic, connected sexual experiences with our partner - that starts with healing our relationship with our bodies, and confronting the innermost shadows of shame and self-derision. 

Ecstatic pleasure and ecstatic connection with our partner is our birthright. Every one of us deserves it. But that means confronting the inner self that pushes people away, that negates and withholds love from other people. 

I believe that sexual ecstasy is the most potent form of healing medicine that you can receive. Mind blowing sex is better than the best massage and nothing better relieves tension and stress than mind blowing orgasms. There is nothing that makes you feel more energetically aligned than experiencing than wave after wave of ecstatic orgasms rippling through your body, and the best acupuncturist cannot come close to opening the meridians and energetic pathways of the body, the way your lover can. 

But again, this vision of sexual fulfillment relies on your ability to be deeply present and deeply connected with your partner. It is simply impossible to experience this level of erotic nourishment if you are rejecting your partner. 

Our bodies are designed to open channels of energy as individuals, and to connect our internal life force energy with the energy of the cosmos, with nature and with the Earth. Mind+Body practices like QiGong and Yoga are methods to create a connection - not only with ourselves - but with the elements surrounding us, with nature, with light, with water, with all of the vital essences of life surrounding us. In order to do that, we have to be deeply connected to our bodies and deeply connected in the present moment. 

Likewise, we have the opportunity with sex to open the channels of our own body’s life force energy and merge them together with our partners. That is what makes sex healing. It is in the deepest state of connection with each other possible, and feeling as deeply connected as possible with our partner, that we experience sex as healing. Healing happens through sex when we allow ourselves to feel and receive pleasure in our bodies at the same exact moment that our partner is feeling, giving and receiving pleasure. 

When we are in that shared state together, that combined state of two people in the deepest state of ecstasy possible, speaking to each other in the language of ecstasy, that is when the doorways open to each other’s souls and we allow healing to happen. We are becoming each other’s medicine, by allowing ourselves to embody and give love to each other. 

One of my former lovers talked frequently and extensively about the holy grail of sexuality: “The Transorgasmic State.”

Due to my former lover’s predilection towards extremely esoteric perspectives with regards to everything, it took me a long time to understand what exactly this was. He wrote: “The States of Consciousness achieved in TOS (transorgasmic sex) are none other than varying levels of Enlightenment itself.”

What does that mean? And how can we attain “enlightenment” through sex?

It was only after one of our lovemaking sessions, that I finally began to understand what he was talking about. I was blessed in that my lover had stamina and was able to make love for a very long time, and bring me to states of ecstasy that would literally make me fall over fainting. I could barely stand up afterwards. Even quickie sex had a level of intensity that made me feel like I was dying.

The amazing part is, he never came! He never ejaculated. And he was able to maintain a pretty consistent erection for a pretty long time. And he was able to stay in that state of ecstasy for quite a while, until I was obliterated many times over.

What he taught me was that the goal of sex is not to come. The goal of sex is *not* to have an orgasm, but to be in the frequency of ecstasy... for as long as possible.

As a result, what I have learned and cultivated is how to ride the edge of the extreme state of arousal, and to be in the peak state of ecstasy for as long as possible. Because the goal is not about getting off. The goal is about getting on, and staying on and being in that state of ON FIRE for... 45 minutes or an hour or 90 minutes or all night and the next day.

The big obstacle that men face is the issue of being overwhelmed by pleasure and wanting to climax when they hit their first peak.

Many men cannot handle peak states of ecstasy. This is a problem.

From a Taoist perspective, women are a pot of water and men are the fire. The goal of sex is to get a woman to becoming boiling hot water. But in order to do that, a man needs to practice being able to maintain being hot and on fire for as long as possible, in order to apply enough heat to bring the woman to her boiling point. Many men are only able to handle 5 to 10 minutes of pleasure and get overwhelmed and lose their heat. What this does is get a woman to a point of simmering, and the energy is dispersed before being able to get her to a raging boil.

We have been taught many great lies in this sexually confused civilization; that sex is about having an orgasm, getting each other off, and that sex is about how sexually attractive you are.

Sex is not about having an orgasm! Sex is about getting into the orgasmic state, where two people are commingling in the frequency of ecstasy and pleasure together, and communicating with each other through the language of pleasure. This state of ecstasy is known as the Transorgasmic State. It is through being in this vibrational state of ecstasy where you are merging profoundly with each other, that you are nourishing each other with your vital energy and rebalancing each other’s body, mind & spirit.

But how do men learn how to get into this state? By beginning with edging.

For many men, this will take time, dedication and practice to cultivate. The goal here is about arriving to a peak state of arousal and *NOT* climaxing. You want to get near to the state of climax, but not close enough that you will climax unconsciously.

So, on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being climaxing and 9 being 30 seconds to a minute away from climaxing, where are you on that scale?

When you are at an 8.5 or 9, then you are nearing the orgasmic state.

The goal of Transorgasmic Sex is to get into the state where you are at a 9 to 9.8 for 15 minutes or 20 minutes or 45 minutes or longer.

The goal of sex is to be at 9.5 for as long as possible.

If that’s challenging, then you practice on your own. You practice getting yourself to 8.5 and backing away. You practice getting yourself to 9 and backing away. You get yourself to 9.2 and take deep breaths and relax and calm your nervous system down. You get yourself to 9.5 and squeeze your perineum and relax and do deep abdominal breathing.

You want to practice getting to 9.5 and not ejaculating at all. There is a science to this practice that is repeatable and consistent with practice and patient cultivation. This is not a theoretical concept.

Some people seem to be more naturally blessed and other people seem to have greater challenges and difficulties in this department, but with cultivation and practice - this can become consistent and expectable, not unusual.

You want to get comfortable with being overwhelmed by ecstasy and NOT NEEDING to climax. Or climaxing every few times you have sex.

Because you want to get comfortable being overwhelmed by ecstasy.

Ecstasy is the language of the soul. Ecstasy is what inspires and motivates me, as I am a student of this most primal power that resides within every one of us. We are all embodiments of this life force energy that resides within us, that connects Heaven and Earth.

Heaven and Earth, when they come together in union, create a powerful electrical current of ecstasy that flows through us like a lightning bolt. What we want, in sex, is to become an open gateway for a lightning bolt of ecstasy to flow through our body, mind and spirit.

We cannot become an open doorway for the unification of Heaven and Earth when we do not take good care of our bodies, or when we have shame around our sexuality, or when we are plagued by insecurities, or when we are disconnected from our bodies and our sensations and our ability to give and receive pleasure.

We need to become intimately connected with our own bodies and revere these bodies that we live in as our temples. And these temples of flesh that we reside within, they are the way that we cultivate our attention and our awareness of all the subtle energy and sensations and messages that are arising from within us. We become incredible lovers by learning how to listen deeply to the sensations and messages that are arising from within our bodies, which is why I believe that the first goal of sex is to practice mindfulness.

Erotic Mindfulness is a perspective of sexuality that connects body, mind and spirit - and brings our awareness of our sexuality into our inner body. We cultivate sexuality rooted in an inner gaze within ourselves. We learn how to see ourselves and our bodies through the inner gaze, and we learn how to see our partners and our lovers without looking at the external, but by seeing the connection and the current of life force energy that connects us and circulates between us. We communicate silently and telepathically through the language of pleasure. We ride a shared forcefield of ecstasy that is increasing and increasing.

This is why I believe sex is a form of Qigong. Qigong ultimately translates to “Energy Work” or Life Force Energy Cultivation.

What happens when we cultivate our life force energy with our partner? Transorgasmic Sex.

Now, hear me out. I hate click-baity headlines like this... But this is one of the most underrated, least discussed things for improving your sex life with your partner.

It’s not about lubrication (although that can always help). It’s not about overcoming shame or sharing hidden desires. It’s not about sex toys or new positions (although I do believe every lady in the world needs one of THESE VIBRATORS).

It’s about vulnerability.

People talk about “Communication” being at the center of a lot of relationship obstacles - and Sure. But I truly believe that the real crux lies in the willingness to be courageous to have vulnerable conversations - with love, care, respect and a willingness to allow ourselves to be truly seen.

As you can well imagine, I have had a thousand conversations with a thousand men who have expressed a wide spectrum of similar frustrations and obstacles with regards to their blocked sexual relationship with their partner. If you can imagine it, I have heard it. I’ve listened to so many different stories of why their female partner has shut down sexually and has put up a wall of distance, avoidance and justifications.

But when I have asked clients the question - “So are you guys able to talk about this? Have you had any conversations about this?” It seems to me that at least half of my clients aren’t having conversations about their sex life with their partner - and even if they ARE having a regular sex life with their partner - it still never gets talked about...

And so the conversations never happen, the topic goes on ice and gets ignored under the weight of jobs and stress and kids. It gets put on a shelf and forgotten about, which can lead to it coming out sideways through repressed sexuality that is about to explode like a volcano. And that often leads to people hurting each other in unfortunate ways.

Or... worse yet, is people being imprisoned in a relationship with no physical intimacy. It’s like sex prison. And just dying under the weight of all of that un-met need for love, physical affection, closeness, touch and pleasure.

If you know me, you know that I believe that having a fulfilling sexual connection is an essential, necessary, deeply nourishing component of a committed romantic relationship. Really, the only thing that makes a committed romantic relationship different from a close friendship or a family member is... Sex.

If you are in a close friendship relationship with your roommate, but you’re not having sex with each other - you’re not actually in a romantic relationship. In that type of dynamic - you’re friends, with no benefits. Maybe you’re business partners or co-parenting allies, or maybe you’re family members. But having a sex life with your partner is what differentiates your primary partnership relationship from any other friendship or family member. Maybe you’re even BEST FRIENDS, but if you’re not having sex with your best friend, then you’re not in a romantic relationship.

(And as an added caveat, I know that this is written within a largely monogamy oriented framework, so I understand that this has varying degrees of nuance for those of my non-monogamy / open relationship friends out there...)

Back to the point of this post... I’ve stated this before to so many clients in so many different ways, but what IS the point of sex exactly anyway? Is it just pleasure for the sake of pleasure? Is the point of sex just getting off? Is the point of sex just about conquest and getting the other person? I really don’t think so. And maybe as a woman, I am biased - but I truly believe that sex boils down to one thing... This is what I think.

I believe that in sex what we are looking for is... We want to be loved. We want to be seen. We want to feel accepted in all of our vulnerability. We want to be cherished in the wholeness that we are.

We want to feel as close as is humanly possible to the person that we love. In my humble estimation, THAT is what makes sex magical. We want to feel merged together in transcendental ecstasy with our closest person... That is the ultimate fulfillment of a peak sexual experience, I believe.

AND! We want to overcome all of these obstacles created by our subconscious minds, created by our belief systems and religions, created by our childhood trauma imprints that create all of these distortions and disconnections between ourself and love and union and ecstasy. We want to overcome those walls and experience true ecstatic union and feel our hearts interwoven in the fullness of love and shared ecstasy.

But here’s the catch. We can’t experience that fullness, that interwoven rapture if we cannot talk to the other person we’re having sex with, about what’s going on inside ourselves.

If we are trying to be in a close physical experience with someone else, but simultaneously subconsciously pushing them away or distancing ourselves from them with a wall of revulsion, or hiding all of our secrets from them... I believe it short circuits the connection.

You really can’t have a deeply ecstatic interwoven connection with your partner, if you can’t be vulnerable. Vulnerability is the price of admission. Vulnerability is the price of closeness. And if your partner is shutting down, or putting up walls, or distancing or not being vulnerable - then there is a real problem.

You can’t attack another person into closeness and vulnerability. You can’t force or push them open to be vulnerable and close. You can’t have power over someone and expect them to be vulnerable. You can’t criticize your way into extracting vulnerability from your partner. Blame doesn’t work either.

But having difficult conversations that are an opportunity for both people to feel truly seen and vulnerable, and for both people to feel heard... And most importantly, to share vulnerabilities about our shared sexual experiences is super crucial.

I had a really fascinating experience with someone who had a challenging obstacle with rapid ejaculation, and in retrospect I think the big takeaway is that sometimes when people are in long term relationships - people start to build insecurity and shame about their bodies. So the self-talk is about, “There’s something wrong with me. I’m not good enough as a lover, because I have this physical issue. This issue means that I can’t ever have what I want... which is a fulfilling sex life that includes passionate intercourse with my partner. And I end up having this thing, which is not exactly what I want, and I don’t feel fulfilled.” It’s a negative self-talk spiral in which we project our internalized anxiety and insecurities onto our partner.

So my big insight is that we have to be willing to have these vulnerable conversations with our partner, and share about what’s going on for ourselves in such a way that we both get more of what we want. We’re working on a shared goal, in which we both get what we want, which is to feel loved, to feel cherished and treasured, to feel as close as possible and connected to each other, and to have the fulfilling pleasure & shared ecstasy that is our birthright.

So I suggested to my client experimenting with this alternative way of doing things, and communicating about it with his partner from the perspective of... I want us both to have a more fulfilling sex life, which means I need to try experimenting with different techniques in order to figure out what works best for my body.

It’s like bio-hacking. We’re trying to bio-hack your sex life, so that you can figure out ways to work with the uniqueness of your physical body, so that you can get the fulfillment that you deserve AND so that it can bring you and your partner closer together.

And I understand, it can be scary to have these kinds of conversations, because it brings your insecurity and vulnerabilities up to the surface. But it’s these moments where we develop the courage to share from a place of vulnerability, that we allow our partner to truly see us and love us and maybe even work together in healing our unconscious patterns that we are struggling with.

So, for those that have had bodywork sessions with me, you know that the perspective of my work is infused with a mindfulness practice. I believe it is extremely essential to cultivate a body-centered awareness in an erotic experience, which is why I rely on using a blindfold to bring the focus of the eyes into the inner gaze of the body’s sensations. In fact, I have taken to keeping my eyes closed for the majority of my sessions as well.

One of the biggest hurdles for men that I’ve observed over the years is that men tend to project their awareness onto the external (the visuals of the sexy woman), rather than bringing their awareness into the internal felt experience that the physical body is experiencing in the moment.

It is precisely this inner gaze, embodiment centered focus that I have always attempted to hone in on - in my sessions with clients. That’s where all the sexual energy is able to be observed, and where the power is found. Men can become incredible lovers when this inner gaze is cultivated and nurtured.

I believe every man has the potential to be a God in bed. But most men aren’t. It takes a lot of practice and dedication, and as a result - we have a lot of bored, dissatisfied women out there who aren’t enthusiastic about their partners. On behalf of all the women in the world, I truly want every man to become the ultimate divine lover.. Seriously!And every man has their own flavor, their own way of expressing and embodying the flow of life force energy that moves through them, which is why making love to every man feels totally different. Each man has a unique, subtle flavor of Qi that flows through them. And the choices that a man makes in his daily habits and lifestyle make ALL the difference in the flow of that energy through the body and through the cock.

But the one thing that doesn’t change is approaching eroticism with a mindfulness practice. Now, when I think of mindfulness - I think of Zen Buddhism and I think of Thich Nhat Hanh...

Why Erotic Mindfulness?

I would describe mindfulness as meditation in an active state. I first practiced mindfulness by walking as slowly as possible on rocks and boulders, and focusing all my attention on every subtle sensation of each foot as it hit the ground. It’s about bringing your full attention to the experience in the moment.

This is completely necessary for sexuality for about a million reasons. There’s so much happening in your body, such an enormous amount of sensations and such an overwhelming amount of ecstatic energy - that you need to be able to be completely present for it... Otherwise you might check out and disassociate or you just short circuit from an overload of ecstasy and have an ejaculation and then your ecstatic experience is quickly over. And a lot of people use alcohol (or other drugs) to get themselves into a heightened state where they can let go enough to explore the edges of themselves, but are unable to remain conscious and fully present for the experience in the moment.

Again, I will say that mindfulness is essential for cultivating our erotic awareness - but it’s necessary also to track the flow of energy in the moment. In fact, I’ve come to the realization this week (and this is my big new insight) that the whole point of sex isn’t to pleasure oneself or your partner into having an orgasm, but to learn how to track the flow of energy between you and your partner.

My perspective is that most people (women included) can’t handle the amount of ecstasy in their body at a certain level, they get overwhelmed by that peak state in their body, and instead of being able to relax and ride the current - they easily get overwhelmed, their bodies spasm and release.

Now as someone who is a strong proponent of men learning ejaculation control techniques, I look at it as a required step in learning how to get into the ecstatic state and stay there for as long as possible... That is the whole goal... You want to reach the point where you are on the threshold of a peak state of ecstasy and be able to ride the current of that energy, without ever getting overwhelmed to the point of release.

But, here’s the big caveat - and this is part of my realization yesterday - both people need to be in the ecstatic state of arousal at the same time. It doesn’t work if one person isn’t in an ecstatic state of arousal, and it doesn’t work if one person is doing something obligatory to please the other, and it doesn’t work if one person is faking it, and it doesn’t work if one person is checked out and not fully present. Reason being: you need to be fully present with your partner and be able to ride the current of that energy circulating between you both, and you both need to be in the ecstatic state together at the same time.

But it all starts with mindfulness, and learning how to fully relax into the present moment awareness. This is the first step to becoming a god in bed. You don’t need to have the world’s perfect penis, and you don’t need to be strong, muscular and excessively testosterone laden. Fuck that. Virility is about the way you move and embody your consciousness in your body.

Trigger Warning: This post is going to be the most political post I probably ever make.

Every job has its positives and negatives, but I have said for a long time that my favorite thing about my job is having the opportunity to connect with so many people, and hear people’s stories about their lives. I absolutely love getting to sit down with my clients and hear about the human experience from as many different backgrounds, belief systems, racial, cultural and economic backgrounds as possible.

It is precisely this aspect of my work that I love more than anything else. I love sitting down with people of all stripes and backgrounds - most of whom have very different backgrounds and lifestyles from my own.

I have sat down and talked with blue collar workers; people who work on trains, drive semi trucks, do welding and electrical engineering jobs and construction jobs. I have sat down with Indian men who work in the Tech Industry and who are working on artificial intelligence. I have worked with Ethiopian clients, Indian men and Vietnamese clients, whose families have been trying to get them into arranged marriages. I’ve worked with Mexican clients whose parents are illegal immigrants, who escaped to the USA and still work under the table after 30 years.

One day I could work with a blue collar single dad, conservative construction worker, and the following day I could work with an extremely liberal man that works in the tech industry - who identifies as non-binary and is in an ethical non-monogamy relationship.

I had a client once who used to be a liberal who followed the Grateful Dead and dropped acid, who eventually got frustrated with the Democrat Party and turned into a Republican and began working on a cattle ranch in rural Oregon. I’ve worked with clients who have been in the marijuana industry, and worked with both small family hippie farmers in Southern Oregon as well as with Russian / Mexican organized crime. I worked with a client who worked as a nurse chaplain in a Catholic hospital during the height of the Covid Pandemic, and told me his stories of families fighting to be with their loved ones before they died.

I’ve worked with married Mormon men who ended up getting a divorce and then transitioned into ethical non-monogamy. I’ve worked with men who are straight up philanderers, who are married and lying to their wives for years and hiding mistresses, escorts and keeping secrets about affairs for years. I’ve worked with men who are in some type of above board, non-monogamy agreement with their partner.

I’ve worked with men whose wives of 40+ years have died, and now at the age of 72, they are single for the first time in decades. I’ve worked with men whose wife of 15 years died of a sudden onset of cancer, and they are suddenly left with a teenage daughter and absolute heartbroken devastation. I’ve worked with clients who have been married for over 50 years and haven’t had sex with their wife for the last 20 years, and sleep in different bedrooms.

Getting to hear about everyone’s stories is what makes my job fascinating. It’s what I enjoy more than anything else. Because I LOVE being challenged to learn about the human condition, and getting to have conversations with as many people as possible makes my understanding of the complexity of life so much more fulfilling.

I’ll share a personal backstory.

When I was in college, long before I accidentally stumbled into the realm of the SW industry, I was a self-identified bisexual feminist who was obsessed with Ani DiFranco, hung out amongst the queer and LGBT community when I was in college surrounded by feminist lesbians, was a women’s studies minor, and had my head shaved. I was a proper pot smoking hippie who went to slam poetry readings and open mics and was obsessed with Jack Kerouac and Rumi and Gary Snyder was my dreamboat. I wore extremely broken in, bell bottom blue jeans with blown out knees and broken in birkenstocks, and wore mostly thrift store clothes.

At that time, I resented everything about the patriarchy. I didn’t understand men. More to the point - I didn’t understand and therefore judged and resented all types of mainstream working class, middle class men, and successful businessmen. I resented money and wealth and power and status. I had nothing but contempt for the patriarchy, for men and their privilege and power in this society. I resented the history of men subjugating women and controlling women’s bodies.

I was a hardcore lefty liberal and a feminist and I was deeply opposed to the war in Iraq.

So, fast forward several years later to after moving to Portland. I had briefly set up a bodywork treatment space a long, long time ago in NW Portland. And I will never forget this. This man came in and sat down to have an appointment with me, and we ended up getting into a political debate that lasted over an hour. He was a Republican and was completely in support of the war in Iraq, and went on and on defending George W. Bush, Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld (this was back in 2004), and I was absolutely furious with this client. Our political debate became so heated - and I don’t remember what it was about at this point - but I ended up kicking him out and refused to have the session with him. Because of his political opinions.

I’ve actually never had another political debate with a client, ever since, that culminated in an argument that resulted in termination of the session. That only happened once. But it was memorable, because I realized afterwards that it was completely inappropriate to get into a fight with a client.

Don’t get me wrong! I don’t agree with all of my clients. I don’t see eye to eye on every topic. But I have learned how to be curious instead of combative. I still find myself having conversations with clients that I find myself judging or who say things that I find shocking, and having less than compassionate curiosity towards. But, I have learned how to hold my tongue, and still make an effort to be curious instead. Even when it’s hard.

Which brings me to the point of this post.

We live in an era of an extremely divisive, politically polarized society.

One of the reasons why I love my work, and love working with my clients is because I get to have conversations with Republicans, conversations with extremely leftist Liberals, I get to have conversations with very conservative Christians, and other people who are politically moderate and - like myself - lean more independent and are non-partisan.

I love working with all types of people, because it challenges me to be willing to listen to and be curious about people whose political beliefs and lifestyles and backgrounds are vastly different from my own. That challenges me to be curious and to listen, to ask questions, and try to understand people where they are at. It challenges me to try to understand what is true for each individual person, whether they are an Indian man in an arranged marriage, or if they are a blue collar welder.

Learning about people and what is true for every single individual person, makes me identify as anti-partisan.

Over the last few years - I have become disturbed by various aspects of divisiveness, extremism and political polarization on both sides of the spectrum. I am disturbed by some of the most extreme leftist virtue signaling, woke orthodoxy that we see in our culture at this point. And similarly, I am disturbed by the most reactionary, anti woke stuff we see on the right.

I really don’t want to get into the most controversial, divisive debates of our time. But I will just say that the extremes on both sides of the partisan debate are crazy, and I hope we as a culture will approach these issues with less extremism, less polarization, and find middle ground, common sense approaches to solving debates. I’m hoping we can move towards finding common sense middle ground solutions that compromise and meet people somewhere in the middle.

I don’t want to live in a society with so much hatred, vitriol and disgust for the other. Fundamentally, that is the point of this post. We need better than to live in a society where people are constantly hating the other side of the aisle, and looking for opportunities to dump on the other.

I truly wish everyone got to be forced to sit down and have conversations with people they disagree with on a daily basis, and learn how to be curious and to simply listen, and find points where there is an overlap and a place where there is a connection on a topic. Because the polarization and partisan orthodoxy is what is fueling everything that is wrong with our country, and we need better. We need opportunities to listen to each other, and we need leaders who will actually bridge the gap between opposing opposites, and find intellectually well informed middle ground approaches.

I take to heart the belief that everybody has an access to the truth, and that what is true for one person is actually true, even if someone else disagrees with them. Or if someone else’s truth is completely opposite. There is room for everyone’s truth to be true. We are all tiny facets of the universe, and each one of us has some portion of truth or light that is genuine and radiates from a good place. I truly believe that.

And I fundamentally approach my work with my clients from the practice of being curious and being willing to connect, even when it’s hard, even when I’m confronted with something very different, or somebody whose belief systems are frustrating. I try to always be curious and to listen - even when I have my own beliefs and biases, and I hope that this is something that you can incorporate into your lives and your perspectives as well.

Hi there folks! I thought I would share one single blog post with links to a whole bunch of ideas and resources about male sexuality and erectile health.

I frequently receive emails and intake forms from folks who are looking for guidance and support for dealing with things like ED, or who are struggling with sexual issues of varying degrees...

So - I am not a doctor, you can take my suggestions with a grain of salt. But after working with literally thousands of clients for many years, here are some of my suggestions.

Your Sexual Vitality is Directly Correlated to your Physical Health

I really think this should be obvious... But for some reason we live in a civilization where people take pharmaceutical drugs to solve their problems, rather than working out in the gym and eating healthier food.

This is my not so humble opinion - but I do believe that male sexual vitality is directly correlated to how you are taking care of your body - OR HOW YOU ARE NOT TAKING CARE OF YOUR BODY!

Your erections and overall physical stamina are directly correlated to how you take care of your body. It should be seen as a symptom / barometer of your overall physical health.

I strongly believe that male sexual libido has a direct correlation to these factors:

1. How much sleep are you getting on a daily basis?

2. How much physical movement / physical exercise are you doing on a daily basis? Are you working out? Are you lifting weights? Or are you not doing any form of physical movement practice / physical fitness on a regular basis? I truly believe this is the #1 factor for men and their sexual vitality.

3. How much stress are you under on a regular basis? Vs, how well do you manage stress and practice calming / centering / meditation practices on a regular basis?

4. YOUR DIET. Please folks. I don’t want to start preaching about diet. But please stop drinking soda. Please stop eating junk food. Please stop eating fast food. Please stop eating garbage. Please eat healthy, whole food with actual vegetables. Doesn’t matter to me if you’re a vegetarian or paleo. Better yet, make homemade food and eliminate all the processed food in your diet. Eliminate sugar, pastries, snacks, sweets, candy, processed crap. Please.

5. It does seem to me that there is a pretty consistent correlation between pharmaceutical drugs (antidepressants???) and erection challenges. I don’t take pharmaceutical drugs or have a penis, so I can only glean information from others about their experience. But look into this, if this is a factor or challenge for you...

Cock Rings

I am a huge fan and proponent of Cock Rings. THEY REALLY WORK!!!

I have seen them work magic wonders - many times. I frequently suggest them to clients. I have seen men who have soft erections, be able to have huge improvements using these little silicone circles.

They help build blood flow in the penis and balls. Be sure to get a SILICONE cock ring. There’s lots of mediocre, low quality cock rings out there on the market. Silicone is the way to go. It’s stretchy and it’s easy to put on and remove.

It’s essential that you wrap it around BOTH the base of your penis and wrap it around the base of your balls. If you’ve never used one and are struggling with soft erections, it’s really easy and cheap and you cannot go wrong with trying this out.

Here’s the one that I love and recommend to everyone.

Get it at your local, independent, women owned sex toy store - SheBop!

Or you can find them at my other favorite Sex Toy store in Portland! Fantasy for Adults on NE Sandy Blvd.

Tongkat Ali

I have recommended Tongkat Ali to dozens of clients over the years, and this particular supplement has amazing reviews on Amazon.

Again, I’m not a man, I don’t have a penis and I have never had an erection. So I can only look into other people’s feedback. But the reviews for this product are very positive...

Tongkat Ali is a supplement that you take every single day, rather than an hour before you want to have sex - like viagra... As a supplement, it’s something you want to be consistent and have a routine with.

It is said to help improve and enhance men’s endogenous testosterone, and to help improve the way the body uses its testosterone. And the reviews about it say that it helps improve erections, helps men lose weight and build lean muscle, helps improve sleep, and helps regulate stress.

I’m curious if you have tried using Tongkat Ali and if it’s had any beneficial impact for you! Please send me a message if you have. I’m genuinely curious.

I know there’s a whole bunch of other male libido enhancement supplements out there on the market - obviously I have not tried any of them. If you have found some supplements that you ABSOLUTELY LOVE and gotten a lot of benefit out of them, PLEASE LET ME KNOW! I will recommend them to others.

I’ve been having this conversation recently with my clients. Everybody wants to know how to make themselves a better lover, and everyone wants someone to give them the insight or perspective that will help them have the perfect erection or last longer in bed.

You know, one of the biggest foibles that we struggle with, with regards to sexuality, is the obstacle of expectations. I’ve been struggling with it personally in my own love life, and I’ve been seeing my clients who have been struggling with it - both in their personal life and in their appointments.

By having expectations, we set ourselves up for having our expectations disappointed.

I’ve come to the realization over the last year that the goal is no longer to create overwhelming ecstasy, but simply to experience the exquisite sensuality and pleasure of these amazing bodies that are capable of receiving pleasure in the form of subtle and intense sensations, and to let go of goal oriented thinking.

At this point, I’ve decided that the goals of my work are simply:

1. Relaxation

2. Pleasure

3. That’s It! Anything beyond Relaxation & Pleasure is a bonus, a cherry on top. There are no guarantees! It is next to impossible to guarantee any outcome beyond relaxation.

Relaxation is the #1 goal of my work, because I believe that stress is anti-sensuality and anti-sexuality. We cannot begin to hope for exquisite sensations in these luminous bodies that we inhabit, when we are stressed out.

Stress leads to disconnection, and being disconnected is the opposite of sex. Stress creates fear. Stress creates separation; separation from our lover and our partner, separation from ourselves, separation from our own bodies and our own sensations. Stress is the #1 problem in our sex lives! Stress is the anti-aphrodisiac.

Therefore, in order to bring us into the realm of the orgasmic and the realm of the sublime, we must cultivate our ability to fully inhabit our bodies and relax. Relaxation is to sensuality as sunlight is to plants.

Relaxation is what feeds and nourishes our ability to experience the succulence and exquisiteness of our sensual human bodies. And relaxation is what brings us into our ability to feel sensually & erotically connected to another being. Relaxation allows us to feel connected.

Therefore, relaxation is THE gateway drug to ecstasy. We don’t need to overwhelm our biophysical system with extreme sensations or drugs or subject ourselves to adrenaline inducing, overwhelming environments in order to experience peak states of ecstasy. Pleasure in our bodies is enough, if we are able to *RECEIVE* it.

And I think that’s the ultimate key, here. How many of us are experiencing pleasure in our body but not able to fully receive it…? Because we aren’t fully inhabiting our body… because we are stressed out… because we are not relaxed.

Relaxation makes us receptive to pleasure, therefore relaxation is the gateway drug to ecstasy.

There’s nothing to strive for. Don’t try to force ecstasy. You can’t force ecstasy - because ecstasy is itself a form of magic. And magic is what happens when lightning strikes. It’s a miracle! Sometimes lightning strikes and oftentimes it doesn’t.

I do think that there are methods to cultivate your receptivity for ecstasy and magic. You can become good at putting yourself in the path of getting steamrolled by ecstasy. You can practice cultivating your receptivity to pleasure. You can practice being in your body and prioritizing feeling pleasure in your body rather than feeling stress. You can cultivate mindfulness and monitor your stress responses and allow yourself to become absorbed by awe.

So here are some practices I would like to invite you to cultivate on a daily basis:

1. Experience pleasure every day. Even if it’s non-sexual. It doesn’t matter if it’s connected to your genitals or not. The goal is to feel the succulence and exquisiteness of pleasure flowing through your body, and ALLOW YOURSELF TO RECEIVE THAT SENSATION.

2. Allow yourself to cultivate practices that bring relaxation into your body on a daily basis. Whatever that is! Meditation, yoga, massage, acupuncture, or just listening to a guided meditation on Youtube. Whatever!

3. Practice feeling overwhelmed with awe. Find something that is truly mesmerizing and allow yourself to be absorbed in it.

Sending my love!

I am a Feminist.

And I am a Tantric Erotic Bodywork Practitioner that works in the Adult Industry.

Maybe that seems like a contradiction in terms. It does sometimes seem like my work is on the frontline of the trenches in the gender war, in the battle to dismantle the patriarchy one man at a time.

Let me make it absolutely clear to all of you men out there that my work is deeply rooted in Anti-Oppression beliefs, and that women should have complete freedom and autonomy over their bodies.

It should be obvious by now that I am another woman who actively opposes Rape Culture. I am disgusted by the Kavanaugh debacle. The #MeToo phenomenon has been heartbreaking and a big opportunity to look at my own experiences with men not respecting boundaries. What has been happening with Bill Cosby & Harvey Weinstein is profoundly appalling, but is a necessary time of reckoning for our culture at this time. My feminist perspectives are actually quite simple, and can be broken down into a few bite sized nuggets.

• I believe that women should have full reproductive rights and freedom of choice over their own bodies. I don’t believe anyone should ever take away a woman’s right to choose what to do with her own body. I actively support the right of all women to have an abortion if that is what they want. It’s your body. It’s your choice what to do with it.

• I believe in CONSENT. I believe that consent is increasingly becoming one of the most important things to understand and cultivate an awareness of, in regards to sexuality. Always ask for consent. Getting consent is sexy. Never assume a mindset of being entitled to someone else’s body. Allow women to give you the opportunity to say Yes or No, and choose from an empowered place, rather than from feeling manipulated, coerced or obligated.

• I believe in ending Rape Culture. This should be obvious, but clearly it’s not. Our culture is built on a foundation of unethical violation of women’s bodies, and has created a vast chasm between women and men, and has made it nearly impossible for the healing of trauma to happen. This trauma has been handed down from generation to generation, and has resulted in women feeling unsafe and creating almost impenetrable boundaries and walls that separate themselves sexually & emotionally from men. If we are ever to live in a world where people live lives filled with love, sensuality, joy, deep fulfillment through getting our valid intimacy needs met - we will absolutely have to dismantle rape culture - because more than anything else, it has created an almost impenetrable wall that divides the masculine and the feminine.

• I believe in ending Shame and Guilt around Sex and Our Bodies. The Shame and Guilt programming around sexuality and our bodies is actually one of the biggest tools that the patriarchy ever used on us, to keep us disconnected from our bodies, and therefore disconnected from our empowered life force energy. There is no more clever way to create a hierarchical, dominance & submission culture, centered around some people having power over others and other people not having power, than to make people feel powerless and ashamed for having access to their joy, their liberation, their ecstatic and orgasmic life force energy. The culture war between the Christians and the Pagans is essentially a war between the Repressed and the Primal (the Fully Alive.) The most patriarchal cultures on the planet are also the ones with the most repressive attitudes towards sexuality. Therefore, in order to be truly anti-patriarchal, we must also be willing to dismantle the shame, guilt and fear around our sexuality. We must be able to be authentic, fully embodied human beings. Liberation is not just a concept, it is a way of being.

• I believe that the Objectification of Women is a Real Problem. Look, you might be saying to yourself - WTF - You’re in the adult industry. How can you be talking about the sexual objectification of women and be taken seriously? My work has always been deeply rooted in bringing the male gaze back into the body - through cultivating a mindfulness perspective of sexuality, rather than focusing on the external visuals of the feminine form. Look, I realized a long time ago that the reason why so many men suck in bed is because they were never adequately taught how to work with the sexual energy in their bodies, and instead used porn to jack off, get their hormonal addiction fix taken care of as fast as possible and get back to work. While it’s true that I deeply appreciate and admire the beauty of the feminine body, and the exquisite sensuality of ‘The Goddess’... I also believe that Sex isn’t about how you look - but about how you are TUNED INTO THE SENSUALITY OF YOUR BODY AND CONNECTED TO THE OTHER PERSON. You could be voluptuous and the most amazing lover in the universe, and you could be “in shape” and “ripped” and be so focused on how you look while you’re having sex that you’re not actually experiencing the divine current of sexual ecstasy vibrating through your body, and completely disconnected from your partner.

I want us all to have amazing sex lives. I want to have an amazing sex life. And I want you to have an amazing, fulfilling sex life. And I absolutely believe that it is something we all deserve. But we must simultaneously dismantle the internalized programming that represses our life force energy, and keeps us enslaved and indoctrinated with fear, guilt and shame.

Simultaneously, I want all men to be an ally to women. We women are having a watershed moment in our culture, and are asking the masculine to protect the feminine from rape culture. We need you to be allies. We need you to care with your beautiful, protective hearts, and protect the beauty, the love and sensuality you receive from the feminine. End the use of language that shames women into being hoes and bitches. End the locker room talk. End the “Boys will be boys” narrative. End the good old boys network. Treat women with respect and dignity. And practice consent with every woman you engage with in your life.

Thanks for listening.

When new clients come to receive an appointment, I am often greeted with the phrase: “So I’m really interested in learning about Tantra.” Or perhaps people will come to me and sit down and say, “So what is Tantra?” This gets especially awkward when Indian men sit down with me and express a sincere desire in learning about Tantra and as a white western woman, I’m in the awkward position of talking about a word that is historically and spiritually rooted in India.

So let me just clear something up. What I do is Not Tantra. Nobody in the modern erotic industry is a practitioner of Tantra. I am not a practitioner or teacher of Tantra. I would prefer to not have to associate myself with this word. The word Tantra has been misused and misconstrued in our modern American culture. I try to use the words Tantra and Tantric as sparingly as possible.

In our modern American culture - Tantra has come to denote or signify “Sacred Sexuality.” I believe that traditionally in India, Tantra is more frequently associated with - what we westerners would call - shamanism and / or extremely esoteric mysticism, than sacred sexuality. Tantra is considered very taboo in India, in what is a largely conservative & sexually repressed culture.

So can we please throw the word Tantra out the window? I wish!!! The unfortunate reality is that Tantra and Tantric Bodywork has become an industry standard term in the adult erotic provider industry to denote - what I have come to consider a more accurate term - “Holistic Erotic Massage.”

Tantra is a buzzword and a marketing term, at this point. These words are the most relevant terms that can help you, the client, look for and find the kind of work that I provide - which is an erotic bodywork service rooted in meditation, mindfulness, breathwork with an underlying holistic perspective unifying Body, Mind and Spirit.

Right now, unfortunately we don’t have a better marketing buzzword that has a connotation for Sacred Sexuality, Holistic Sensual Healing Bodywork, or sexuality that integrates an awareness of subtle energy.

I understand that in the realms of the Erotic Service Industry, there are a vast many options. You have the options of receiving sessions from a Dominatrix, or perhaps a more traditional Escort, or you can go visit a Stripper and get a lap dance. There are also many people who offer lots of different kinds of erotic massages or “rubdowns” - this has been known as FBSM for many years (Full Body Sensual Massage.)

What Tantric FBSM denotes, to me, is about an underlying perspective that is rooted in mindfulness and an intention to cultivate a conscious awareness of the body.

I would love to see the word Tantra tossed out the window in correlation to the erotic industry, but unfortunately - it’s probably here to stay. The overuse of the word Tantra in the erotic industry means that providers have bastardized the term and are not rooted in being genuine healing arts practitioners.

I would much prefer to use the word Taoist in relation to my work - as I believe the Taoist’s perspective on sexual energy, subtle energy and life force vitality is far more relevant to the work of being an erotic healing arts practitioner. But the word Taoist doesn’t have the sexy connotation, nor does it have the marketing sparkle.

I come to this work with many years focused as a healing arts practitioner, having studied massage, bodywork and energy based modalities; with a strong desire to give sessions where the intention is to drop into the Inner Gaze of the body’s sensuality, and to heighten our awareness into the current of pleasure and bliss that flows throughout our bodies.

All of that having been said, I do believe that sexuality is one of the most profound teachers we human beings have accessible within us, to cultivate our awareness of subtle energy / life force energy, and to cultivate our vitality and joie de vivre.

In the realms of subtle energy cultivation, we have so many techniques available: psychedelics, chanting, yoga, meditation, QiGong, martial arts, etc. But our sexual energy is one of the most practical and accessible ways we can open the inner doorways of our body+mind+spirit through which we come to experience ourselves as a hollow bone or conduit for life force energy - wherein we can receive waterfalls of life force energy that nourish us with ecstasy.

So I’m feeling inspired by a recent conversation with one of my clients... Which resembles the conversations I’ve had with innumerable clients over many, many years. And let me tell you, my heart breaks for the sad state of affairs in the realm of masculine & feminine dynamics in our culture.

It has absolutely broken my heart to hear the stories I’ve received from clients over the years about their relationships with wives in long term relationships.

And to sum it up, I’ll put it succinctly: it seems that a lot of (what I would consider normal, mainstream, heteronormative, middle class) married couples are having a huge problem when creating intimacy with each other, and that a lot of women seem to lose interest in having sex, or are generally really shut down or totally blocked around sexuality - even non-sexual intimacy like cuddling.

LADIES: This makes me so sad.

Making Love is one of the peak experiences of life! Sex is divine nourishment! Having sex has the capacity to lead to the most exquisite states of ecstasy, and can bring such celestial states of transcendence, bliss, deep relaxation and nourishment to our bodies and spirits.

I genuinely don’t understand why other women don’t want to have sex. I absolutely, in no way whatsoever, believe this myth that sex is something that only men want and that women aren’t just as carnal and driven by pleasure and bliss.

BLISS IS EVERYBODY’S BIRTHRIGHT!!!!!

Yours. Mine. Men’s. Women’s. Everybody’s. Everybody of every gender on the spectrum deserves bliss and pleasure.

YOU DESERVE PLEASURE AND BLISS. And you deserve it to be shared with love, kindness, respect, care, consent and connectivity.

One of the things that I have gathered in my conversations with clients over the years is that there are a LOT of (normal / mainstream / heteronormative / “successful”) married couples that NEVER TALK ABOUT SEX with their partners.

Seriously? What the fuck is up with that? Can someone please explain that to me. Why aren’t you talking EXPLICITLY with your partner about your sex life? Why aren’t you talking about what you feel in your body, what turns you on, what is happening to you while you’re having sex, what your favorite positions are, talking about your interest in anal sex and butt plugs, and what your favorite oils to use are? Good god. I love talking about sex with the men I’m lovers with.

Now, I am of the opinion that in order to have amazing sex, a man needs to learn how to ride his edge, his peak state of ecstasy, and be able to bring a woman into her peak state for at least 30 to 60 to 90 minutes. (I’d prefer a minimum of 60 minutes, thankyouverymuch.)

I’ve gathered from many conversations with clients, however, that a lot of normal married women want their husbands to climax as fast as possible so they can be done with this laborious sex thing that they feel they have to do, as a service, as an obligation, to their husband.

I’ve gathered that there are a lot of wives that would rather be doing anything but having sex with their husbands. And they’ve got a gazillion excuses for why they don’t want to have sex. You’re tired. You’re exhausted. You’ve been slaving over the children. You’ve been working your ass off. Got it.

But here’s what I truly don’t understand! Sex is the most nourishing thing you can do for yourself! Sex is more revitalizing and rejuvenating and nourishing than getting a pedicure or a manicure, by far! Sex is more revitalizing and rejuvenating than getting a massage from a professional! Sex is more revitalizing and rejuvenating than sitting down and watching TV! There’s nothing that makes you feel more pampered and luxurious than being EXQUISITELY FUCKED!

I understand we don’t always have the energy for sex. I get it. We need to be taking good care of ourselves, in good health and feeling energized in order to feel sexy. But from a Taoist perspective, having a good healthy sex life is an important, integral part of your overall health-care maintenance practice and good sex WILL balance you energetically, and especially for women it’s more likely to make you feel more energized than depleted.

I don’t know about you ladies, but my goal in life is to be an exquisitely WELL FUCKED WOMAN (thanks Kim Anami) who is imbued with profound states of celestial bliss with my boyfriend on a regular basis.

Here’s where I’m going to get all Taoist on y’all.Yang (masculine) nourishes the Yin (feminine) with his force, vitality and virility. Yin nourishes the Yang with her bliss, her relaxation, her sensuality, her openness, her surrender, her melting.

Yin nourishes Yang. Yang nourishes Yin. WE NEED EACH OTHER.

There is no better way to be well nourished, on a mind+body+spirit level, than to be well fucked! We need each other; for balance, for harmony, for bliss, and divine soul nourishment!

Ladies! Don’t you want to have hot sex on a regular basis, to RELIEVE STRESS? To experience your own peak states of pleasure and bliss...? To forget about all the crap in the world that is weighing you (and your partner) down?!?

Perhaps you don’t find your partner attractive. Perhaps you think you don’t actually like sex. (I don’t buy it.) Perhaps your partner doesn’t have a dick that gets you wet. Perhaps your partner comes too fast and it’s driving you crazy. Perhaps it’s this thing or that thing. In that case, don’t you want to start talking about it, and start working with professionals - so you can both get your needs met? Or perhaps you’re too scared to rock the boat because you’re too invested in the marriage, what with the stability and the kids and everything, and you think that if you start talking about how disappointing the sex is, the marriage and all your stability and security will fall apart, and you’re completely dependent on your partner even though you’re not willing to talk to him about how you actually feel?!? Good god girl, grow some ovaries, and PLEASE stop using alcohol to get into the mood. (ie, disassociate from your body and your sensations and your partner, in order to finally feel free enough to have sex.)

In my humble opinion, the Taoist / Tantric perspective of cultivating full presence, deeply harmonizing with your partner, learning how to listen to your own body and your partner’s bodies, and learning how to use mindfulness, relaxation, SLOWING DOWN and breathing to channel love & sex into your experience is the way to get both partners what they want.... Mutual, deep, penetrating, adoring, loving, celestial rapture...... The best nourishment on the planet. And the best part is, it will never feel like an obligation.

Consent is sexy. Consent is also necessary. Extremely necessary.

We are all sovereign individual beings. I am a sovereign individual being. Therefore you absolutely must not treat an erotic practitioner with a level of entitlement over their body. Just because you paid money for a session with this person does not mean that they owe you their body.

Women’s sexual energy fluctuates. A lot. Women’s sexual energy has phases of waxing and waning.

One week a woman might want to be touched, the next week she might not.

One week a woman might be losing her mind in an otherworldly level of ecstasy just from having her boobs ravished, the next week she might want to kill you for licking her nipples.

One week a woman might be feeling incredibly turned on, heightened and super generous, the next week she can’t freaking deal with anything and needs to hide in a cave.

There are times during my sessions that I feel Really Turned On and I feel like I’m losing it and want to hump a mountain afterwards. And other times when I feel like a fucking nun. That’s because I’m a woman.

So what that means is, yeah - I might have been dying in a peak state of super charged pleasure when we had a session a few months ago when you were licking my nipples... But I don’t feel that way today and I don’t want you to be sucking on my nipples. And I don’t want to have to say anything to distract from the moment!

Here’s where it gets complicated... NonVerbal Communication. You would think that men would learn about women’s nonverbal communication. When a woman pulls her body away over and over again, you would think that means to back off - you’re irritating her. But No, I have learned that a lot of men really struggle with actually grasping women’s nonverbal / physical communication.So... what’s the answer? GET CONSENT.

Do you want to suck on her nipples? Ask for it. Get consent. If she says yes, enjoy. If you ask and she says her nipples are super sensitive this week and she doesn’t want her nipples sucked, then please back off and respect her.

Do you want to touch her body? Do you want to touch her anywhere else...? Ask. Get consent.

If you have not received consent, you are not allowed to touch, kiss, suck or grope. It is not welcome.

So... what if you are a regular client and the last session you had a totally hot experience and she let you suck on her boobs? You Absolutely Need To Ask Each Session. This cannot be emphasized enough. Each moment is a new moment.

Just because a woman was feeling super turned on and generous a month ago does not mean she’s feeling it today, and no woman feels sexy when they feel like they have to give you what you want. When a woman is feeling cajoled or cornered into giving into what you want, it just turns the sexy vibe dial down.

So ask for consent. And respect a Yes or a No. It’s that simple.