Our world needs Sex Positive Parents
Children should know that having an amazing sex life is what happens between two adults who love each other
I had a conversation last week with a client, let’s call him Mike.
Mike is in a sexless marriage, and his wife is squeamish about their children hearing them have sex.
Now if there’s any message I would want to convey with his wife, it’s that your children are going to come into contact with sex and their sexuality eventually - it is inevitable. It is only a matter of time.
One of the things that parents surely must consider is that how they are modeling their romantic & sexual relationship with their spouse is going to imprint onto their children.
We live in a Sex Negative & Touch Phobic culture. And I believe that we will continue to maintain a Sex Negative & Touch Phobic culture going on into perpetuity, by demonstrating to our children that sex is something to be ashamed of and that their parents never have orgasms together.
I know for myself, from my own childhood upbringing in a very conservative Christian family, that PDA between my parents was something that was very rigid, awkward and felt forced. The way that they displayed affection, kisses and touch towards each other seemed rigid & distant; and that created the sense that being affectionate with each other was scripted, awkward, dismissive and uncomfortable. And that demonstrates a vibe in which you can’t tell if two people really love each other and feel connected to each other.
And again - children are being imprinted with their attitudes & unconscious belief systems towards sexuality, flirting, public displays of affection and touch by their family & community, but most especially by their parents.
Personally - I want to envision a world where children know that their parents are having an amazing sex life with each other, and that they know that their parents ARE sexy and sexual.
Children should know that having an amazing sex life is what happens between two adults who love each other, that having a sex life is for adults, and that having a fulfilling sex life is something that is integral to a long term committed relationship.
Because children are going to be introduced to sex inevitably. Would you rather they be introduced to sexuality through hearing mommy moaning in ecstasy & having orgasms through the walls, or by watching porn on screens?
Personally I would have been thrilled to know that my Mom loved my dad and that they had an exciting sex life - but I will never know that and I strongly doubt they did.
It can take decades to unwind the imprinting that happens in your subconscious mind in terms of sexuality and intimacy, from being imprinted by adults that are uncomfortable, awkward, stressed out and disconnected with each other. That imprinting will leave more lasting damage, than hearing your parents make sexy noises through the walls.